Family and mental health (sh warning)

Since I got depression and trauma I started dissociating and lost my personality and like I forgot basic communication things

I lost all friends I had online and real one because I started ignoring everyone since I got in this state

Now it's very hard for me to make friends even online and I can't communicate with anyone other my family normally without making everything awkard

I got trauma form my parents like they started arguing more and loud like very bad in like 2023 because my mom changed her life style and personality all of the sudden and she couldn't bare with being my father she alr had enough and started stading up for herself and ofc my dad didn't liked that

Ever since they married and i got born we lived not good like my father is idc type of person our first house was really bad we didn't had heater and we lived so poorly form time to time we got into better houses

My father's grandmother lived with us all the time and she had very bad personality she emotionally drained people and she argued about EVERYTHING she was so hard to stand my poor mom was in so bad situations she couldn't do anything her way and was emotionally and physically drained everyday

My father didn't did anything about it I mean he tried talking out with her mother but it didn't worked until my parents started fighting because of her and finally my grandmother moved to another home and we stared living alone

After some time when my mom become more social and started working my father didn't liked that and he started arguing with her everyday bc he's really misogynistic and thinks she should always stay at home and be housewife

They argued so much really much

One day we brought dog bc we kids made our parents buy it and after it become old we kids couldn't walk our dog anymore because it become more strong and big

My mother started it she only walk outed the dog on noon and night and my father morning only so after my mom meet another same age person woman who also had dog and walked it out everyday they got close and my mom became more open and started going outside more and become more social she started texting other people until one day my dad became suspicious he secretly checked her and when he found out she was texting other ppl he got more mad

AND they started fighting more often and more loud this affected me so much

She said that she started texting other ppl because he didn't gave her enough attention and didn't cared about what she was going through and that he cares about his beer and friends more like he's very alcoholic

My father said some things but i don't remember it

After all this fighting I started hating my dog because he caused more fightings when he appeared and I started arguing about giving away the dog until they actually did it I didn't stopped arguing

They still argued alot I started stepping into their fights try to stop them evey time

I got into deep depression and isolated myself from everyone literally everyone I stopped going outside and started ignoring everyone I was bed rotting everyday and I also started starving and I lost 5 kg

I nearly got expelled from school two times

My friends didn't knew what I was going through they stopped texting me after I started ignoring them I cried so alot

And started harming myself very BADLY

I started cutting myself with nail scissors but I didn't went deep bc it would leave a scar that would stay on my body forever and ofc I would be more insecure I would never wear short sleeved shirts so I didn't did it too deep when it healed I did another one

Only my mom got concerned about this and started taking me to free therapy but it didn't worked I got into so bad state I keep getting dissociation so many times like alot I feeled like only my body existed but not like me

I got dissociation so many times I forgot everything that's how I got better

I tried explaining easy I don't know English very well and I skipped so many things

Ehh 🥲